funny birthday poems

The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands. ~Quoted by Alexandra Penney in Self



There are very few jobs that actually require a penis or vagina. All other jobs should be open to everybody. ~Florynce Kennedy



Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? Is it because we are not the person involved? ~Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson, 1894



How do you achieve success? Well, for one thing, you don't define it before you achieve it. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



As contraries are known by contraries, so is the delight of presence best known by the torments of absence. ~Alcibiades



Why should people go out and pay money to see bad films when they can stay home and see bad television for nothing? ~Samuel Goldwyn



If we cannot live so as to be happy, let us at least live so as to deserve it. ~Immanuel Hermass von Fichte



The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination. ~Ronald Reagan



If any man has drunk a little too deeply from the cup of physical pleasure; if he has spent too much time at his desk that should have been spent asleep; if his fine spirits have become temporarily dulled; if he finds the air too damp, the minutes too slow, and the atmosphere too heavy to withstand; if he is obsessed by a fixed idea which bars him from any freedom of thought: if he is any of these poor creatures, we say, let him be given a good pint of amber-flavored chocolate... and marvels will be performed. ~Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin



Every man's memory is his private literature. ~Aldous Huxley



As soon as histories are properly told there is no more need of romances. ~Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass



Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. ~Chinese Proverb



The promises of this world are, for the most part, vain phantoms; and to confide in one's self, and become something of worth and value is the best and safest course. ~Michelangelo



Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it - even if I have said it - unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. ~Buddha



He who hath not a dram of folly in his mixture hath pounds of much worse matter in his composition. ~Charles Lamb



Love someone who doesn't deserve it. ~Author Unknown



As no roads are so rough as those that have just been mended, so no sinners are so intolerant as those that have just turned saints. ~Charles Caleb Colton



This is how humans are: we question all our beliefs, except for the ones we really believe, and those we never think to question. ~Orson Scott Card



Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry. ~Rita Rudner



Sometimes he curls up on my pillow during the night and I don't know he's there until I yawn and my mouth closes on a whisker. ~Astrid Alauda